


a kind soul.

by Werepirechick



Category: Tales of Arcadia (Cartoons), Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Brainwashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season/Series 01, Self-Reflection, and then a little later after that, god rest his crusty soul, hi i'm here to fixate on the troll husbands and share my headcanons and feelings about them, major character death tag is for bular, set right after bular gets fucking wasted, that's what indoctrination is folks!, they're married, troll married...., which is many
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 23:38:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13692240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werepirechick/pseuds/Werepirechick
Summary: In the split second that Bular rises from under the bridge, there’s no hesitation in Arrrgh’s response. Not with Toby’s life hanging in the balance. Arrrgh has seen firsthand,dealtthe damage firsthand- knows all too well how easily a human can be killed. If he hadn’t acted, then Toby, his small, kind, accepting fleshbag friend, would have died.So in that moment, as Bular’s claws came down on his wingman, Arrrgh acted.





	a kind soul.

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'm late to the fandom with this one by a stupid amount of episodes, but i'm really in love with these two and their dynamic+relationship. i'll probably write literally nothing but stuff about them because of that reason. (and i will never, ever use arrrgh's canonically written name in any of those fics, because AAARRRGH?!! or whatever is just so disruptive to a story's flow.)
> 
> rip bular, you had a neat design and caused fun conflict.

In the split second that Bular rises from under the bridge, there’s no hesitation in Arrrgh’s response. Not with Toby’s life hanging in the balance. Arrrgh has seen firsthand, _dealt_ the damage firsthand- knows all too well how easily a human can be killed. If he hadn’t acted, then Toby, his small, kind, accepting fleshbag friend, would have died.

So in that moment, as Bular’s claws came down on his wingman, Arrrgh acted.

It’s easy. It’s always been easy. The motions of winding up, of throwing his punch- the feeling of stone-like flesh crumbling under his large fist- it’s as easy as it had been, hundreds of years ago when he still served Gunmar’s army. Like breathing. Just as natural feeling, but all the more destructive. The roar that rips out of him is similar, terrible and instinctive as he defends who he calls his.

Bular falls away, cracking and falling to pieces, _finally,_ after all this time of others being hunted and haunted and _hurt_ by him like Arrrgh has been- and Arrrgh’s thoughts finally catch up with his body’s reflexive movements. The glow of his arms and chest fades, and with it the rush of fury and urge to fight, and then there is only Arrrgh, left once again with the shards of his opponent scattered before him.

For a moment, he nearly falls back into the mantra that always repeats in his head, whenever he slips in control and lashes out. _Pacifist, pacifist-_ he doesn’t want to return to being the troll he once was, doesn’t want to resume the role of a destroyer that had been forced onto his shoulders and all but bolted in place.

But Toby looks at him, and smiles, grateful, stunned, and as he’d been in the first moment he witnessed Arrrgh’s less than gentle side, utterly accepting without a thought. And Arrrgh’s thoughts of self-reprimand slip away for the moment, replaced by relief that his friend is safe.

“Arrrgh, your _oath_ ,” is the first thing Toby says, concerned for Arrrgh instead of himself.

“Your life, more important,” Arrrgh says, and as always his words fall short of how many things he wants to speak, but he tries anyway, to convey what he means. “Not _pet._ _Wingman.”_

Arrrgh holds out his fist, dusted in the remnants of Bular’s shattered body, and the ghosts of so many others before him. Arrrgh has drifted far as he is able to from his old self, distanced himself from the reputation as a Gum-gum troll, but it still clings to him at times. Like now, on this bridge, woken anew by him forsaking an oath he’s upheld for centuries.

It was for Toby, though, and that makes all the difference. And like he has from the first few days of knowing Arrrgh, Toby understands his message perfectly.

“Ditto, buddy,” Toby says, and taps his tiny hand against Arrrgh’s without pause. The hug is unexpected- Arrrgh thought that maybe there would be at least a little hesitation, a hint of wariness- but it’s a welcome gesture. As it was in the small human’s bedroom, Arrrgh’s friend shows no sign of fear towards him.

For someone so fragile compared to a troll, so short lived and squishy, to be unafraid of someone so much stronger and deadlier… Toby is braver than he might think he is. And it’s an act of kindness that warms Arrrgh through.

Arrrgh sets aside any thoughts beyond the ones of his friends and their happiness, their _safety,_ for a while longer. Hoisting Toby up like his friend enjoys, Arrrgh cradles the human close as they listen to the others direct their next move: getting Jim back in time for his play.

Having Toby close to his side, where Arrrgh can ensure nothing might hurt him, sets something in him at ease. The warmth of that nearly eclipses the rise old fears and doubts in him, but not quite.

 

 

 

It’s later in the night, when Killahead Bridge is finished being hauled down into troll market, and both Jim and Toby are returned to their homes for their human sleep cycle, Arrrgh finally has time to sit down and think. It’s not that he’s ignorant or thoughtless, it’s just that he has trouble putting into proper words what he’s feeling, thinking, wanting to explain…

He needs time to stop and process, as Blinky put into words for him a long time ago. A chance to explain to _himself_ what he’s trying to figure out, before he tries to explain it to anyone else. It’s all there, he just needs to put the pieces together right.

It’s very easy, unfortunately, to put together these thoughts. For once, he’d rather he couldn’t find the right words to name the ponderings. Leave them nameless and vague, rather than known and heavy.

Toby is safe for the night. The forces of Gunmar are scattered and his son is dead. Arrrgh doesn’t need to stand guard over Toby’s slumber tonight, and however much he’s come to love spending time in the human’s house, he’s missed spending long nights with Blinky in their own home.

It’s a comfort at least, that he doesn’t have to try and focus on watching out for Toby while all these thoughts weigh him down. Once things have settled and everyone dispersed to their caves, Arrrgh curls into his preferred corner of the library. Blinky is still on the move, pulling and sorting and reading books in a flurry like he always does. Arrrgh knows his companion is updating information in those books, detailing the defeat of Bular and the recapture of the Killahead Bridge’s pieces, and maybe any other night he would be happy to follow behind Blinky’s pacing steps.

Tonight though, he feels too exhausted and cold. Staying in the corner feels best at the moment, his side to the wall and an easy view of the whole cave and its exit. Blinky within sight no matter where he goes, and not more than a whispered call away from Arrrgh. It should be enough to fend off the night’s low, like it has been for consistent decades, but tonight it isn’t.

Arrrgh sighs, curling tighter on himself and concealing his weaker points. His nose twitches as he inhales the lingering scent of Bular on his skin- bringing back the sounds and images once again of their battle before the portal was opened and closed, and of the moment Arrrgh made his choice.

Toby, or his oath.

Arrrgh still doesn’t regret his actions, will _never_ regret saving Toby’s life, but… an oath like this is not easily broken, however contrary it felt at the time.

Arrrgh closes his eyes, and tries not to breathe too deeply the scent of broken stone on his fists. He rumbles to himself, frustrated the knot of emotions and thoughts in his head won’t dissipate, especially since it was a _good thing_ for him to kill Bular. It was the right thing to do, for Toby, for _everyone._

It’s hard regardless, to accept the burden of another life taken by his hands. And that is perhaps the largest source of frustration for Arrrgh, making him press to the wall and try to hide any chink in his defenses simply by curling up in a ball. To hide from himself, and the world, and what he’s done, no matter the worth and goodness any of those things hold.

A light hand touches his shoulder, and Arrrgh opens one eye a fraction.

“May I sit with you?” Blinky asks quietly. The hand he’s laid on Arrrgh’s shoulder is hardly touching, in case it’s a night that he doesn’t want physical interaction at all.

That rarely applies to Blinky though, and it still doesn’t apply now. Arrrgh uncurls bit by bit, moving his tail aside and exposing his midriff. Blinky sits gently against it, a solid and welcome weight to combat the others pulling Arrrgh down.

“I can guess easily enough what’s bothering you, Arrrgh,” Blinky says, folding his four hands together. “but I’d like you to tell me if you want to discuss it. We’ve been through a lot tonight and I won’t press you if you don’t want to do so.”

Arrrgh _hrrrmsss_ in the deep of his throat, one ear flicking. Words are hardest for things like this, and sometimes he can’t manage to find all the ones he needs. It only causes him worse frustration when that happens, and he doesn’t want any more of that emotion than he already has.

He lifts his head, opening his palm and staring at it. The sensation of Bular’s body being crushed by it is still there, ringing through the limb. It’s uncomfortable to feel, but he hasn’t been able to shake it the past hours. It may take longer than a night to do so.

“...yes,” he says. “Would like… to talk.”

Blinky pats his arm encouragingly, and waits even more so patiently. There are many trolls who get bored with waiting for Arrrgh to find his words, or finish a sentence, but Blinky hasn’t ever. Not with anything important, anyway. Not with things like this.

Arrrgh mulls over what he wants to say, and picks the words carefully. “My… oath. Had to break it.”

“For young Tobias’ sake, yes,” Blinky affirms.

“Was right, but… feels… bad,” Arrrgh laments. He sighs heavily.

“And why is that?” Blinky prompts.

Arrrgh grimaces, working his jaw a little before answering. “Felt like… before. When I was… Gunmar’s.”

“That’s to be expected,” Blinky says gently. “You were put into a situation very much like ones you’ve experienced before. A sense of repetition isn’t unusual to feel, Arrrgh.”

“Mmm… felt like… me, before,” Arrrgh closes his eyes for a moment, and as clearly as he always can, remembers the torn battlefields and villages he’d fought in. Blood and dust alike, caked to his hands and mouth. The swell of instinct to fight, to charge, to destroy and kill- all beaten and trained into him by Gunmar’s forces, and left intact even once he’d defected.

“Felt… very scary,” Arrrgh rumbles, annoyed at the cowardice in him. Scared of himself- it’s very un-trollish of him to feel that way. To fear his own strength isn’t something any other troll likely has ever done. It sends a shudder through him, remembering the carnage he was and is capable of. “…didn’t like it.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t,” Blinky says softly. He puts two of his hands on Arrrgh’s side, petting the tufts of green that grow there. Arrrgh sighs slowly, leaning towards the touch and letting the memories slip away.

They sit in silence for a while, only broken by the quiet clinks of Blinky’s fingers tapping the skin underneath Arrrgh’s hair. After such a busy day and night, it’d be very easy to just remain like that. Sharing space and touch until Arrrgh can settle enough to nap, and pretend nothing has changed at all.

But _will_ anything change now? That’s one of the things bothering him. Now that he’s given up his oath, given into the necessity of violence to protect the people he cares about- will he change? Coming out of the enslavement of the Gum-gum army had taken decades to adjust to, relearning things he’d lost and then struggled to regain, but the instinct to fight had remained constant through all that.

Even in times of peace, Arrrgh has known that the self he became under Gunmar’s reign never quite disappeared. It stays with him, a back thought he never lets touch him, and now he’s brought it out in full once again. And what does the future hold, for him having done that?

“Blinky…”

“Yes, Arrrgh?”

“Now that… I… kill Bular…” Arrrgh’s throat doesn’t want to work right, causing the words to be even more gravelly than usual. “Will I... change? Again?”

 _I changed once,_ he can’t say but wants to. _I became someone new before,_ _so what if this makes me change like that all over again? Who will that troll be, if I do? Will I be good like you all, be the friend I want to be? Or will I be wrong in every sense all over again, and become a monster once more?_

Too many words needed for so many thoughts, and he hopes Blinky finds them there regardless.

His most trusted companion doesn’t fail him.

“Arrrgh, I know you worry about who you used to be affecting who you are now,” Blinky says, easily and plainly. “and I understand why you might. But you underestimate your own strength of character, my dear friend. You _chose_ that change in yourself, and I doubt what anyone might have said could have stopped you.”

“But my oath,” Arrrgh points out. “Chose… to _break_ it…”

“And you choose now what to do about that,” Blinky says. He presses closer to Arrrgh’s side, horns knocking against it. “If you decided, Arrrgh, you could simply take your oath again. Put this night behind you and be as much a pacifist as you want. Or, you could forge ahead and create a new path for yourself. Find an equal ground between yourself as a Gum-gum and yourself as a non-combatant. Or do something else entirely!” Blinky’s voice softens then, gentler than the feeling of his breathing near Arrrgh’s skin. “It’s your choice, Arrrgh. Whatever it may end up being, it’s yours.”

Arrrgh rumbles, equal parts touched by Blinky’s words and doubtful of how true they are for him. “What if… I hurt…” _you, Toby, Jim, anyone…_ “…very easy, fighting. Might get. Confused…”

Blinky runs a hand down his side. “Since I’ve met you, Arrrgh, and that was a fair while ago might I remind you- you’ve been twice as careful with your actions than any troll I know. The likelihood of you injuring anyone unintentionally is very low, I promise.”

Arrrgh closes his eyes and breathes out slowly, letting those words sink into him and settle deep inside, warm and dearly needed. If there is anyone he can trust to know those things about him, with certainty and conviction, it’s Blinky.

“You are a kind soul at heart, Arrrgh,” Blinky says, soft and fond. “That’s not something any one choice could ever change.”

Arrrgh’s mouth pulls into a small smile, the feeling of heavy doubts finally lightening inside him. He stands slowly, so as to not knock Blinky over, and turns in a tight circle to face his long-time companion. Blinky looks up at him, calm and accepting as he always is about Arrrgh’s low nights.

Arrrgh doesn’t know how he would manage without this troll by his side. Probably with great difficulty, as Blinky would without him. Where each of them falters, the other lifts them back up so they can carry on. Together.

Arrrgh stoops, tilting his horns forwards. Blinky tilts his head forwards as well, leaning towards Arrrgh and letting their horns knock gently against each other.

“Thank you,” Arrrgh rumbles gratefully, putting every word he wants to say into just those two.

“Any time, dear friend,” Blinky replies, leaving his head resting against Arrrgh’s for a moment longer before leaning away again. Blinky clears his throat then, standing up and putting his four hands on his torso and hips. “Now then, I still have a great deal of work to get done before anything else. You wouldn’t happen to be willing to assist me…?”

Arrrgh huffs, and lays back down in his corner. Blinky rolls his six eyes. “Of course not. Very well, Arrrgh, I’ll leave you to your napping, while _I_ finish documenting a tremendous win for trollkind.”

“Have fun,” Arrrgh encourages, settling into a comfy curl to watch. “Will be here…”

“As you ought to be,” Blinky asserts, giving Arrrgh’s head an absent pat and then hurrying off to his books. Arrrgh smiles to himself, watching Blinky as he returns to rushing back and forth. He no longer feels cold and uncertain, and the future no longer seems so scary to wonder about.

Because Blinky is right. He’s where he ought to be, and that’s his choice. His choice to be here, and to protect the people he cares about, even if it means dealing with parts of himself that he dislikes.

But even if he dislikes them, like on the bridge, in that split second choice to save Toby’s life- that won’t stop him from doing what’s right for the people he loves.

Arrrgh drifts off, eyes growing heavy as Blinky mills around their cave, and falls into an easy slumber. He only wakes briefly when he feels something touch his side, and by instinct and old habit, uncurls enough to let Blinky slide down against him to sit. Curling protectively around his closest companion, Arrrgh falls back asleep while Blinky stays up to read.

His dreams are not disturbed.

**Author's Note:**

> do trolls have a concept of PTSD? do they have concepts of marriage or the like? canon so far through seasons 1 and 2 haven't really given me any solid confirmation about that. kind of hoping they do.
> 
> also: as demonstrated repeatedly by trolls being grossed out by human intimacy, i move that trolls use other forms of physical affection to convey trust and love. hence the gentle headbutts in this fic, and sharing of space while sleeping, but not exactly cuddling. they're a tough bunch of rock people! their relationships are going to reflect that fact about their culture.
> 
>  
> 
> [i have a brand new blog for this fandom, so roll by and check me out.](https://chillahead-bridge.tumblr.com/)


End file.
